Programmers & Geeks jokes

Here you find a collection of jokes for programmers and geeks..

• I'm not interrupting you, I'm putting our conversation in full-duplex mode.

• How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's a hardware problem.

• A logician tells a colleague his wife just had a baby. Is it a boy or a girl? Yes

• If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0.

• Finding bugs in code is interesting but only when some other engineer does that.

• How do you tell an introverted computer scientist from an extroverted computer scientist?
  An extroverted computer scientist looks at your shoes when he talks to you.

• RAM disk is not an installation procedure.

• Uh, young webmaster... java leads to shockwave. Shockwave leads to RealAudio. And RealAudio leads to suffering.

• C++ is a write-only language. I can write programs in C++, but I can't read any of them.

• Hey! It compiles! Ship it!

• Have you heard about the new super computer? It's so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.

• The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

• How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo which says ""lather, rinse, repeat.

• The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.

• I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

• What do you call a computer scientist? It doesn't matter what you call him. He's too involved with the computer to come anyway.

• Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

• What do Unix sysadmins do when they're horny? Mount a file system.

• What's the difference between a computer and a woman? A computer will accept a 3,5" floppy.

• Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, All my base belongs to you.

• I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly.

• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

• The box said "Requires Windows 95 or better". So I installed LINUX.

• You know it's love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead.

• Warning! Buffer overflow, close the tumbler!

• Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

• Bad or corrupt header, go get a haircut.

• Unrecognized input, get out of the class.

• Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

• Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

• The beginning of the programmer's wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run and having a runnable program.

• Squash one bug, you'll see ten new bugs popping.

• LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses.

• Best file compression around: "rm *.*" = 100% compression.

• CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?

• The name is Baud......James Baud

• BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

• There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

• In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

• A couple of programmers lay in a bed. She: "Do you want to repeat the procedure?" He: "Function has not returned the value."

• (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza

• A typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(8595959)

• Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.

• An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks "may I join you?"

• Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
  The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67dfldksfkd###___dfoecdcdcdcdcdcdcdcd"
  "Please excuse my friend," the second string says. "He isn't null-terminated."

• God is real, unless declared integer.

• If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery.

• Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle.

• Perl, the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption.

• You sir, are an unknown USB device driver.

• Girls are like an internet virus: They enter your life, Scan your pockets, Transfer your money, Edit your mind, Download their problems and Delete your smile.

• C isn't that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void.

• The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!" The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."

• The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword and usually, the programmer.

• Every program is either trivial or it contains at least one bug.

• There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies and benchmarks.

• Bugs come in through open Windows.

• Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.

You know another cool joke or something to smile about? Just write a comment...

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