Women jokes

Here you find a collection of female jokes and funny one-liners about women. What would we do without women? We wouldn't have near as many jokes to tell...

• What's a dog turd and a woman got in common? The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

• Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

• A girl walks into a supermarket. She picks up a banana, a can of soup, and a loaf of bread. She then walks up to the cash register to pay. The cashier looks at her and the items she has and says, "I can tell you're single." She smiles and responds, "How do you know that?" He says, "Because you're ugly."

• What do you call a blank piece of paper? A list of woman's rights.

• What do you call the useless skin around a vagina? A women.

• Why do women have periods? Because they deserve them.

• How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry her.

• What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Pregnant.

• What do you call a woman that can't make a sandwich? Useless.

• What is a woman without a man? A wo.

• Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care.

• Why do women not need a drivers license? Because there is no road from the kitchen to the bedroom.

• How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There's a clock on the oven.

• What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.

• Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women? When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

• Why haven't they sent any women to the moon? Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.

• How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.

• What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it.

• How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

• What is the definition of "making love"? Something a woman does while a guy is riding her.

• How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."

• What food reduces a woman's sex drive by at least 90 percent? Wedding cake.

• What happened to the only man that finally figured women out? He died laughing.

• I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

• If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

• A really hot woman goes up to a guy in a bar and whispers in his ear. For 50 bucks I'll do whatever you want. Ok the guy says, Paint my house!

You have new cool female jokes? Just write a comment...

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