Police jokes

Here you find a collection of funny police jokes. Have fun.

• How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

• How many cop jokes are there? Just two, all the rest are true!

• A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

• The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

• What did the police officer say to his stomach? I've got you under a vest.

• Why would it be difficult to be a police officer? It would be tough to be an idiot all day long.

• Police Chief: Why do you spend all your time trying to hit flies? Officer: You assigned me to the swat team, didn't you?

• Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.

• When Bad Mike got arrested, they told him, "Anything you say will be held against you." Bad Mike said, "Claudia Schiffer's breasts."

• Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
  The policeman said, "What's he like?"
  Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"

• A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?" "No, I am an undercover detective." "So why are you in uniform?" "Today is my day off."

• A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate. "I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?" "I should let you know first that I am a policeman." "That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!"

• A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia." As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

• A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"

You know the newest police joke? Just feel free to write the joke as comment.

Comments 0